Penny In A Spin
by Oneturtledove
Summary: Bless the children for they are the light, they are the truth of spirit in flight
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Not mine._

_Spoilers: up through FTF_

_A/N: I wrote this story a long time ago, but due to a really bad review, I stopped. It took me this long to decide to fix the things the reviewer brought to light. Hopefully this take is better. I know I like it a lot better. Anyway, the idea has been swimming in my head since high school. I remember exactly where I was when I thought of it too. There is a similar story on Gossamer, but hopefully this one has enough difference to… well, make a difference. Anyway, here's to not giving up._

* * *

The phone rang early one Saturday morning, and Scully grumbled before reaching over and grabbing it. She hadn't slept well and had been sitting in bed reading for most of the morning, so if Mulder was calling about a case, she might just go ahead and quit the FBI right then and there.

"Scully," she answered cautiously.

"Hey Scully it's me."

"Hi me. What's up?"

"What are you doing today?"

"Mulder, if this is about a case, so help me…"

"It's not. This is… it's personal."

Her voice softened and she drew her knees up to her chest, immediately concerned.

"What's wrong?"

"Can you meet me somewhere?"

"I… sure."

"It's kind of a drive."

"Mulder, where are you?"

"Romney, West Virginia."

"What are you doing there?"

"It's a long story. There's a coffee shop right off the interstate. Meet me there at two?"

"Mulder, please. What's going on?"

"Just get here?"

She sighed, knowing she wasn't going to get any more out of him than that.

"I'll be there. You're buying."

"Deal. Thanks Scully."

They hung up and she sighed, climbing out of bed and leaving her glasses on the side table. She'd do anything for him; go anywhere, be anything, risk it all, but he had really bad timing sometimes. She went into the other room and found her road map, quickly finding Romney and estimating that it would take over two hours to get there. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee before heading to the bathroom. She let the shower run for a minute, steaming up the bathroom before she stepped in. The heat assaulted her skin and she sucked in a breath, reaching out to lower the temperature. She stood under the spray for several minutes, trying to recall any time that she had heard Mulder talk about family or friends in West Virginia. She came up blank. The gunmen might know something, especially if this had anything to do with his early years at the FBI. Other than that, she couldn't think of a single reason for him to be in West Virginia, much less for him to need her to come there. That fact scared her more than she wanted to admit.

She shampooed and conditioned her hair then stepped out of the shower and dried off. She looked tired in the steamy mirror, definitely in no position to offer support or help get his car out of impound or whatever it was that he needed her to do. Of course, she would do it anyway because he was her best friend and she loved him, despite all the recent crap they had been through. Even with all the confusion and fighting, through the tears and frustrations, the betrayals and feelings of worthlessness, he was still the one who held her heart and the one who filled her soul.

She walked slowly into her bedroom and pulled a pair of jeans out of the dresser, then went to the closet for a top. It was hot out, but breezy, so she decided on light layers. Dressing quickly, she went out to the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee, flipping through the paper as she drank it. She could hear birds chirping outside and she checked the clock, deciding she was going to have to hurry if she wanted to be on time. She went back to the bathroom and dried her hair, letting it fall in waves instead of straightening it. She found her shoes and pulled them on, grabbed her phone, wallet and her map, and headed out the door. Something inside her told her that when she returned, things were going to be very different.

* * *

Their coffee had long since stopped steaming, their red stirring straws sitting idle in the dark liquid. She regarded him across the table, noting the furrow of his brow, the look in his eyes, the quiet sighs that emitted from his mouth. He was stressed out, overwhelmed and quite possibly teetering on the edge of shock. She wasn't sure what to deal with first.

"Mulder," she started, reaching out and touching his hand. "Just start at the beginning."

"You're not going to like this story, Scully."

"That's okay. It's not going to make me not like you."

He sighed again and took a sip of his coffee, in an attempt to gain some balance.

"Scully, I used to be married," he blurted out finally, his eyes rising to meet hers.

"I know," she replied carefully, softly.

"How?"

"Your personnel file. I never said anything about it, but I've known for years."

"My personnel file doesn't have the name of my ex-wife on it though."

"Diana. I put two and two together."

He just looked at her for a moment.

"You didn't say anything."

"Neither did you. And it's your story to tell, Mulder."

"You knew and you still… you must really hate me."

"Never. Mulder, whatever the two of you had outside of profession, it never mattered to me."

"You might change your mind about that, Scully," he said as her hand tightened in his.

"Tell me."

"It changes things."

"That's okay."

"It's a big deal, Scully."

"Just tell me what's going on."

"Diana was recruited to go to Germany right after Christmas 1991. We'd hadn't been married long, it was kind of a rushed thing. Lost our heads, got crazy. We weren't ready to get married, and when the prospect of Germany came up, we both saw it as a way out. She had several months of stateside training before she would leave, but we both agreed to make a clean break. I'm sure you know that plans never go as we want them."

"Not when it's important, no."

"She was pregnant."

She felt her coffee trying to come back up as her vision started to blur. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. They couldn't have a child together. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. It didn't even come close to reality, didn't even touch the coastline of her wildest dreams. Never would this make sense in her head, never would she be comfortable with it, never could she make it work in cohesion with what she knew.

"Diana threw propriety out the window and informed me that I didn't have to worry, the baby wasn't mine. I have to admit that that bit of information only confirmed the suspicions that I already had, but it still hurt. I couldn't just write her off though, and I kept tabs on her. I guess it was kind of self destructive to be taking care of my estranged wife who was pregnant with another man's child, but I'm a sucker for self destruction."

"Mulder."

"I still cared about her at the time. I was even there when the baby was born. A little girl named Kayla. And I remember looking at her and wanting her to be mine. And I knew that soon Diana was going to pack up and take Kayla to Germany, so I figured I'd break ties and move on. But Diana didn't take her. She left Kayla with her mom and never looked back. And I hated her for that, for leaving that little girl all alone. But there was nothing I could do about it. It wasn't my business."

"I'm sorry, Mulder."

"Diana's mother kept in touch, out of family obligation or something, I don't know. The divorce was final by then, but she called every once in a while. This guy, Peter, Kayla's father was a real scumbag, and by the time she was two he had gotten tired of making child support payments. He demanded a paternity test which came back negative. Which means that when I took one, it was positive."

She was still, letting the words play over and over in her head. Positive. Positive. Positive. Mulder was a father. He had a child.

He was watching her intently, trying to decipher her expression, but coming up empty.

"Scully, say something. What are you thinking?"

"I… I don't know," she muttered, blinking once. "I suppose I'm in a little bit of shock. I should have seen this coming when you started the story."

"There's more."

"Wait, not yet. Just let me process this a little."

She took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose before looking up at him.

"You have a kid."

"Yes."

"You didn't tell me."

"I didn't mean to not tell you. But when I found out you were already going through so much, and it never really slowed down. I wanted to tell you and I almost did several times, but I just couldn't make myself say the words. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, Mulder. I probably wouldn't have told me either. I'm not mad at all. I'm just… I don't know."

"Do you want me to tell you the rest now?"

"Yeah, I think so."

He took a deep breath and squeezed her hand, wishing he could either go forward or back in time, anything to avoid this.

"I wanted my daughter Scully. But I didn't want to pull her away from the only home she had ever known. And I was pretty much a stranger, so we decided to take things slow, and once she got older, we would think about her living with me part time. It wasn't that I wasn't stable enough or didn't love her enough. We just didn't know each other and I couldn't put her through that. Not to mention, the child of Fox Mulder and Diana Fowley, the people who rediscovered the X-Files… that's a pretty big bargaining chip. So the best option was to be her dad from a distance, at least for a while. But like I said, plans don't always work out. Scully, Diana's mother Mary… she died yesterday. She had a heart attack. Kayla, she doesn't have much else in the way of family. Mary's sister and me. That's it."

Her ears started to tingle and burn as she realized what he was saying. She felt faint as the implications sped through her mind, and she closed her eyes tightly.

"You're leaving."

"I don't know yet, Scully. I don't want to take her away from her home, but I don't know how I'll provide for her here. All I know for sure is that she is my responsibility now. One hundred percent. And I have no idea what to do."


	2. Chapter 2

Scully just stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what to say, what to think, what to do. Nothing came to her except the faint realization that her hands were shaking. It was out of left field. No, not even left field. This came from the hot dog stand around the corner from the stadium. It wasn't even a baseball. It was a sock or a Frisbee or something so far out of the realm of possibility that it was possible simply because it existed. Her mind boggled at the thought and she took several deep breaths, trying to get herself back on level ground.

"Are you still with me, Scully?"

"Yeah. I'm just…what's going to happen?"

"I don't know."

"Are you scared?"

"Are you female?"

She smiled a little and he reached over and took her hand.

"Scully I need something from you."

"What?"

"I need to know that we're going to be okay. I need to know that we're still going to be friends, that you'll be there for me."

"Always, Mulder. You can't get rid of me that easily."

She offered him a cheery smile; he didn't need the stress of her discomfort with the situation. He smiled back at her, the furrow that had been in his brow ten minutes ago now decreased.

"I wish I could stay here and hash all this out with you, come up with a plan and answers, but I have to get back. Kayla's with Mary's sister and I don't want to leave her for too long."

"You should go then. We can talk more later."

He nodded and they stood up from the table, discarding their coffee cups and heading out the door. They stood next to her car, neither one of them sure what to say or how to end this visit. Finally she stepped towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist silently offering him some support. He took it, cradling her against him, wanting to hold onto this last moment of just the two of them. He knew this had to be hard on her, had to make her think of Emily, but he also knew that she'd never forgive him for keeping it from her.

"Call me when you get a chance. We'll figure this out."

He nodded and planted a kiss on her forehead before letting her go.

"Thanks, Scully."

She nodded and opened her car door, not wanting to leave him now, but needing some time alone also.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"I love you, Scully."

"I know. I love you too."

She gave him one last smile before they parted and she started her car.

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry_ she mentally chanted, taking deep breaths as she made her way to the interstate and into the flow of traffic. She couldn't deny the sharp pain of jealousy that had stabbed her chest at the thought of Mulder with a child. She couldn't deny the joy she felt for him either, and she couldn't reconcile the two emotions no matter how hard she tried.

* * *

Mulder opened the front door and stepped inside the house, sighing while rubbing his eyes. That was probably the most difficult conversation he had ever had with Scully and he wasn't sure how they would ever be the same again.

He could hear voices in the kitchen and he walked that direction, needing to see his daughter, to wrap his arms around her and just hold her for a while. She was kneeling on a chair that had been pushed up to the counter and she and Caroline were making cookies. Her long hair had been pulled up into a ponytail, but still hung halfway down her back, the ends coming together in one large curl.

"Hey kiddo," he greeted, crossing the room. She turned to him and gave him a half smile, then reached her hands out to be picked up. He obliged and she clung to him tightly, not saying a word. She'd been quiet, a stark change from her normal constant chatter. She was grieving in the only way she knew how, but he was afraid that she was going to retreat into herself more and more the longer he let this go.

"Hey Caroline. How was she?"

"Just fine. How was your appointment?"

"Better than I expected."

Caroline nodded and dropped a spoonful of dough onto the baking sheet. She, like her sister had always been supportive of Mulder as Kayla's father, and had made it clear that she would always support his decisions as long as they were best for his daughter.

"Kayla, do you want to help me finish with these cookies?"

Kayla shook her head and slid her thumb into her mouth, a habit she had broken over two years ago. Mulder sighed and rubbed her back wanting desperately to lift this blanket of sadness, even just for a moment.

"Hey baby," he started, shrugging his shoulder a little so she would look up at him. "I want to talk to you about something. Is that okay?"

She nodded and he moved them into the other room, sitting down on the couch. He wasn't exactly sure how to tell his daughter that chances were good that he was going to make her move to a place she had never been. He didn't want to cause her more anxiety. Starting off slowly, he explained why they might need to move, gave her all the reasons he wanted to be able to stay. He talked about D.C. and told her all the things she would like about living there, but then made it very clear that she needed to tell him how she felt. She was quiet for several minutes, picking at the threads coming off of the rip in her jeans. He remained patient. He knew she was going to say something, she was just working up the courage to do it.

"Daddy, I just want to live with you," she said finally.

"Do you want to stay here or go to D.C.?"

"Maybe if we could live in D.C. and then visit Auntie Caroline for Christmas and stuff? That would be okay with me."

His heart broke as she looked up at him, her caramel colored eyes full of unshed tears. She was trying so hard to be brave, and he had no idea how to tell her that I was okay not to be.

"Are you sure that's what you want to do?"

"Yes," she answered with a nod. "I want to live in D.C. with you, just like we used to talk about."

"Alright."

She snuggled into him and sighed tiredly. That was the most she had talked in the last few days and she just wanted to close her eyes and rest for a while.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah honey?"

"Auntie Caroline said that we're having a funeral for gramma."

"Yeah, we are."

"She said that I can cry if I want to. But isn't crying for babies?"

"Not at all. If your heart hurts and you want to cry, then cry."

"I miss gramma."

"I know you do."

"I wish she could come back."

"I know you do. I do too."

"I'm going to take a nap now."

"Do you want me to put you in your bed?"

"No. I just want to stay here with you. Okay?"

"Okay, baby."

She sighed and let her eyes close and soon she was asleep. He looked down at her and let his own tears come, loving the fact that she would be with him, but hating the circumstances that made it possible. It was beauty from ashes, and there was nothing he could do about it now. He just had to be there for her, be the dad that he hadn't been before, despite his desire to be. She deserved that, and he would do anything to make sure she was safe, happy, and healthy. He dropped a kiss on her forehead and closed his eyes too, joining his daughter in a dreamworld where all was suddenly right again.


	3. Chapter 3

Mulder sighed and adjusted his tie again in the mirror, groaning when it still didn't look right. He usually had no problems with his ties, and when he did, Scully was there with her small hands, talking softly and fixing his problem while he calmed down. But she wasn't here right now, and he had to be strong all on his own.

"Daddy?"

He turned around and saw Kayla in the doorway, her eyes trained on the carpet and her shoes unbuckled. She had dressed herself in the dark blue dress he had left out for her, but she didn't look comfortable.

"Hey sweetie. What's wrong?"

"My hair is tangly," she said, holding out a brush. "I can't do it myself."

"C'mere, Noodle," he said, holding out his hand and sitting down on the side of the tub. She walked over to him slowly, tripping a little on her shoes. She stood in front of him and he turned her around, taking the brush to her hair. He tried to be careful, but it wasn't long before he ran into tangles. She whimpered a little as he worked through a knot but didn't make more noise than that.

"Daddy," she said once he was done. "What's going to happen to grandma?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is it cold when you get buried? And dark?"

He sighed and pulled her into his arms, not sure what to tell her. She buried her face in his neck and sighed.

"Remember how we talked about grandma being in heaven?"

"Auntie Caroline says she's with the angels."

"Yeah."

"But she's here too, but she's not alive anymore."

"I know it's hard to understand."

"I miss grandma."

"I know you do baby."

"I will always miss her, huh?"

"Yeah, you will. But after a while it won't hurt your heart so much."

She nodded, satisfied with his answers.

"Are you ready to go?"

"My shoes need to be fixed."

He pulled her into his lap and buckled her shoes while she watched quietly. He longed for his bubbly, giggly little girl, but he couldn't push her either.

"Can I bring my blanket?" she asked quietly. She hadn't hauled the old blanket with her anywhere in years.

"Sure. We just need to be sure it comes home with us too."

"I won't lose it."

"Alright. Do you want me to put your hair up?"

"Can you just pull it back in a pretty like grandma does?"

"Sure."

She took a hair clip off of the counter and he managed to get it fastened in her hair fairly decently.

"Go get your blanket and we'll go."

She headed out of the bathroom and he followed her, checking his cell phone one more time to see if Diana had called. They'd left her messages, sent e-mails, and done everything else they could think of to let her know what was going on. Mulder had the sneaking suspicion that she didn't really care.

* * *

"Mulder it's me."

He let out a long sigh and fell back against the bed. He had been wanting her next to him all day long, wishing she could have been there to help him help Kayla.

"Hey Scully."

"Is this a bad time?"

"No, not at all. I just put Kayla to bed."

"How is she doing?"

"I don't know. She's quiet."

"And you?"

"I'm just worried about her. I don't know how to deal with this or how to make her feel better."

"Mulder, you're there aren't you? That's what she needs most."

"I knew you'd make me feel better. How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm fine. I've actually gotten caught up on a lot of things at work."

"That's not what I meant, Scully."

She sighed.

"I'm okay, Mulder. I mean, it's a lot to take in, but I'm getting there."

"I didn't mean to dump all that in your lap, Scully. I wanted to tell you years ago, but-"

"I know, Mulder. It's okay. Everything is okay with us. You've got your daughter to worry about right now."

"I know that. I just… I don't want things between us to change. I'm really going to need you, Scully."

"I'm always going to be here. I promise."

"Thanks."

"You need sleep, Mulder. Good sleep."

"Ever thought of being a comedienne?"

"I'm serious. Go lay down. Relax."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Can you stay on the phone for a bit? Talk to me?"

"Are you trying to say that I am boring enough to put you to sleep?" she asked, her voice dropping to a softer level. She could hear his smile over the line accompanied by his sheets rustling as he slid into them. She did the same, settling against her pillows and working herself into a comfortable position, wrapped snugly in the blankets, the phone pressed to her ear as if he was right there, curled up behind her. She missed him when he was gone, but she missed him more when he was gone and hurting.

"Maybe a little, but only because you're too far away to pinch me for it."

They shared a quiet laugh and sigh, enjoying the lighthearted moment while they could.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going to happen?"

She didn't have to specify that she was talking about work to get him to understand her meaning. They would be fine as friends, but their partnership was up in the air. His whole career was up in the air for that matter. He couldn't continue to go on these dangerous wild goose chases, he couldn't meet with shady informants, he couldn't even go on late night stakeouts. It was too dangerous. It had always been too dangerous, and her mind twisted, trying to figure out why he had done it even after finding out that Kayla was his daughter. She was sure he had his reasons, almost certain that it was because he wanted to make the world better for Kayla, even if that meant leaving her. That way of thinking was going to have to stop, and she had to figure out a way to make him see that.

"I don't know what's going to happen, Scully. It's definitely not going to be the same though. I'm not sure if the X-Files are going to be safe. I don't know where you're going to go. Everything is going to change."

"Except us. We're going to be okay."

"I will do everything I can to make sure that we are."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

"Are your ugly ties Father's Day presents?"

He chuckled.

"The ugliest ones are all me, but she's given me a few lookers over the years."

"They don't seem so ugly anymore," she said softly.

There was a long pause as they both let the feeling settle around them.

"I miss you, Scully."

"I miss you too."

"I wish you were here."

"I'd jump in the car right now if you wanted me to."

"I do, but it's probably best that you don't."

"I know. When do you think you'll be home?"

"I'm not sure. I thought that maybe in a few days we'll bring some of her stuff over, then come back here. I don't want to do the move all in one shot. I want her to know the home she's going to."

"You know, I can go over to your apartment and clean it up a little. Maybe open a window in the bedroom so the air isn't like Jello anymore?"

"Is it really that bad?"

"Well maybe more like meringue."

"Thanks, Scully," he muttered, pretending to be hurt, but really thanking her for the offer.

"Anytime. Go to sleep, Mulder."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow. I… um… I love you, Scully."

"I love you too. Everything is going to be okay. We'll figure it out together."

"Thanks for the we."

"You're welcome. Goodnight, Mulder."

"Night Scully."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: SORRY I pooped out on this story! I got caught up in something else, wrote 12 chapters of it in less than two weeks, and then suddenly remembered that I had been neglecting this for a really long time. I apologize.

* * *

_Two Weeks Later_

Scully took a deep breath as she stood at Mulder's door, her hand poised to knock, her eyes trained on the brass 42, her stomach full of some kind of large bird. This night would set the tone for the rest of her life with Mulder. That thought alone was enough to make her want to turn back and head for the nearest cave. But the fact that this night was going to set the tone for the rest of her life with Kayla… that had her frozen in place, scared stiff. She wanted and needed this to work. Mulder wanted and needed this to work. And his need only heightened her need and it became a vicious circle in her head, one that would take years of unraveling by a team of highly skilled psychiatrists.

She took another breath and knocked, bracing herself for whatever was going to happen tonight. She heard a hand touch the knob and there was a long pause. Mulder seemed to be trying to find his feet also. It made her feel a little better, and by the time the door swung open, she was smiling.

"Hey Mulder."

"Hey Scully."

They looked at each other for a while before he grabbed her wrists and pulled her into his arms.

"I missed you so much," he confessed, burying his nose in her hair. She hugged him back, breathing in his scent, letting it fill her whole body. She felt so much better now than she had ten seconds ago, which really shouldn't have come as much of a surprise.

"I missed you too. I thought you would never come back."

"I thought you would die while trying to clean out this place. Thank you by the way. It looks great. I can't believe you even got new fish."

"You had a lot of floaters in there. I took a water sample down to the pet store and they tested it and gave me some drops to stabilize the water. That might make it easier to prevent the fishicides."

"Thanks."

It was mundane conversation, but threw them right back to where they needed to be. They smiled together and he pulled her into the kitchen.

"I discovered something that you'll appreciate."

"Oh really?"

"Now don't tease me for not having a real dinner for you. Things have been kind of hectic."

"I know."

"This is the best trick ever. Leftover Chinese food tastes fresh when you heat it up in a skillet on low instead of in the microwave."

"Very innovative. Can I ask though how old that Chinese food is?"

"Day before yesterday."

"And still edible to boot. Mulder, you amaze me."

"It is one of my main life goals."

She smiled and leaned against the counter, watching him putter around the kitchen, getting plates and glasses out.

"So… how are things?"

"Good. It's hard, but she's doing okay, which makes it easier. She misses her grandma though."

"It'll get better for her."

"I know. It's just hard to watch her at night when I tuck her in. She looks around the room and tells me that she wants her grandma. And I don't have anything to say to make her feel better."

"I know. But Mulder, your job isn't to make her feel better. Your job is to be there. That's what she needs."

"You can make me sane again in thirty words or less. Thank you."

She smiled and opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by an inquisitive "daddy" from the other room. She smirked as she realized it was directed at Mulder, and smirked even more when he moved from the stove and headed for his daughter.

"What honey?"

"I cannot find my other shoe."

"Why do you need your shoes? We're not going anywhere."

"I know, but I still need to know where they are."

"I don't understand your logic."

"You don't have to do that, daddy, you just need to help me find my shoe!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming."

He disappeared around the corner and Scully held onto the counter, trying to recall what her mother had said.

"_Dana, you just need to be yourself. Be there for him and the rest will fall into place. She may not need you but he does. As his best friend you have no choice but to be there."_

It may have been tough love, but it was true, and it made her stand up a little straighter if nothing else.

"You'd better duck or we're gonna knock off your noggin!"

"No, be careful of my noggin, it's the only one I got!"

Mulder laughed and came around the corner, Kayla on his shoulders. She was giggling and brushing her hair out of her face, her cheeks flushed.

"Okay Noodle, train stops here," Mulder said, lifting her off his shoulders and holding her in his arms.

"But daddy, you didn't even take me halfway to Timbuktu!"

"Well you didn't pay your whole fare."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek repeatedly.

"There. Now can we go to Timbuktu?"

"Can we compromise with a rain check?"

"Oh alright."

He settled her on the floor and a silence settled over the room for a brief moment.

"Kayla, this is my friend Dana."

"Hi Dana," Kayla said, sticking her hand out. Scully shook it, surprised that such a young girl would have manners and confidence.

"Hi Kayla."

"Daddy told me some stories about you. He thinks you're like Wonder Woman."

"Oh really?" Scully asked, slightly amused and arching an eyebrow at Mulder.

"Kayla, I didn't say that."

"You said she's like Wonder Woman and Lois Lane and I asked what superhero you were and you said you weren't one because you don't look good in a cape. Remember?"

His face was a deep red and Scully couldn't stop the giggle that came out of her mouth.

"Yes Kayla, I remember. Why don't you set the table?"

"Okay!"

She went into the kitchen and climbed up on a stool, carefully taking three mismatched plates down from the cupboard. She climbed down from the stool and moved it over so she could climb up again and reach the glasses. Scully watched the whole thing with amusement, noting how alike Mulder and Kayla looked when they were concentrating. She was definitely his child, and Scully cursed Diana for making Mulder believe that wasn't true. He'd missed out on the early years of his daughter's life simply because Diana was selfish and wanted to hurt him. He'd missed Father's day and first steps, daddy's and I love you's coming from her for the first time. She could forgive Diana Fowley a lot of things, but never this.

* * *

The evening was winding down and Kayla was getting sleepy. Scully had tried to leave after dinner, but they had both insisted she stay and watch a movie with them. It wasn't that she was uncomfortable, she just wasn't sure where she fit in. They were a family and she wasn't a part of it.

Kayla was curled up on Mulder's lap, sucking on her finger and staring at the TV screen. Mulder's hand was brushing through her hair and Scully watched them out of the corner of her eye, envying their bond, wishing it for herself, fighting the germ of jealousy at the attention Mulder lavished on his daughter. She loved seeing them together, but at the same time, it hurt her deeply.

"Noodle, what do you say we stop the movie and finish it in the morning?"

Kayla nodded and yawned, turning to bury her face in her father's shoulder. He stood up from the couch with her, motioned to Scully to wait five minutes, then headed into the bedroom.

Scully sighed softly and touched the blanket Kayla had left on the couch. Satin edges around white fluff, pictures of horses and dogs happily prancing around a world in which the sun was always shining and kids never had to hurt. She stared at the blanket for a long time, her fingers running over the satin edge as she tried to get her feelings and emotions back in line. She had to be the strong one here, had to be the one to hold things together because Mulder couldn't do it himself. It was her duty.

"You okay?" came a whisper from above her. She smiled and looked up, her eyes belying the turmoil behind them.

"Yeah. Just tired. Been a long day."

He sat down next to her and they lapsed into a silence, neither knowing what to say or where to begin or even if they should. His hand met hers and curled around it, holding on gently, forging a new connection without any words. This was what they were now, easy or not. They hurt for themselves and they hurt for each other, but those things were better kept quiet for now.


End file.
